glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just google imaged poop.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
