So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
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dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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