marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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