I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
