I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Floor bacon is actually really good
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
