A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She swung at the pinata with crutches
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
wow bdsm is so cute
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
