You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
