Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
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I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize