I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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