I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Panties = found
Randomize
