I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize