had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
