theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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