i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
