Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
