i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
