My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she smelled like a LAN party
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
