I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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