i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Dick very happy bro
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
