i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You ate ashes out of my bong
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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