Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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