You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
