The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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