You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
