im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
