I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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