at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
