So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
