Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
