Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
