I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
