once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
