Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
