the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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