Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
