I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
