My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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