I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
