I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
