Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
