i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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