You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
