I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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