What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
