I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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