those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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