I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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