Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize