My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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