y did u give ur computer a hand job?
kristin has been a bad kristin
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
