I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
