Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
