I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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