We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
