cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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