I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
