dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
