If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize