i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
