Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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