I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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